I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
