I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm experimenting with sincerity
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
