Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Less talking, more tequila
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
