Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
