I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
NoShamevember. You game?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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