Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
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