marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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