Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
if only i could text you this smell
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
