Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
