we're blogging at a bar
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
