no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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