i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
