Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
