just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
