Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
accomplished twins. life is a go
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
vagina is talking i cant
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
