The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
