i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
