I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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