Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
