ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
