So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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