Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
