I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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