I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You are the jesus of drinking
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
