You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
