everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
