6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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