What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
