Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
