Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
