I am puke
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
