she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
