i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
