fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
