Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
