So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
