Moan for me like Helen Keller
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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