tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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