This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
