yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
