and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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