I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
