I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
