I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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