I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
