2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
