Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
