i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
be right there i have to get my cape
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
