I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
