I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
